But then...I wake up. My alarm clock blares into my sleep, and I blink my eyes wearily as I listen to my siblings argue. I turn my alarm off and open my Bible again. I still like it. I still marvel at the wonderful pictures of God and the encouraging testimonies of His followers. But it isn't the same. The sun seems so much harsher than the moon. Silence has been replaced by chaos. I have woken up to reality--a cruel world filled with cruel people. I do my best to ignore it, to enjoy my time with God and to fill my empty soul with His comforting promises. Many times, I feel as though I succeed.
But as soon as my feet leave the white carpet in my room and touch the ugly pink carpet of my hallway, it all fades away. I can't feel Him anymore. The real world is here, and the comfortable atmosphere of my bedroom evaporates. Try as I might, I can no longer seem to focus on anything ethereal. It seems as though it has floated out of my reach and been replaced by the heavy and dark burden of this world.
The day drags on, and once in a great while I find something--maybe a song, or even just a chord--that briefly allows me to catch a glimpse of that beautiful existence that I know alone in my room. For a second or two, I remember what that feels like. But it never lasts long. The strange, dark veil of this troublesome world always covers my eyes again. And I am left anxious--restless. Restless for God. My hands claw at the air, desperately trying to grasp that infinite Being and all that He has to offer. My mouth is parched; my eyes are dry...I search for Him everywhere...
"Where is God in the city life? Where is God in the city light? Where is God in the earthquake? Where is God in the genocide? Where are You in my broken heart? Everything seems to fall apart. Everything feels rusted over. Tell me that You're there!"¹
I know I'm not the only one asking these questions. This cruel, devastating, and hopeless world gives us nothing. We know, deep down, that there's got to be something more. As a Christian, I know that this human desperation cannot be fulfilled by anything or anyone except for God Himself. But I also know, from experience, that God is somehow extremely hard for us to find...on our own.
Clouded by our worldly veils, we can't possibly see God. We are bogged down by depression, burdened with shame, surrounded by sin, overcome by hopelessness. We are so busy looking down that we can't ever seem to look up! But, thankfully, God never leaves us like that. He lifts up our chins, opens our eyes for one brief second, and gives us tiny glimpses of Himself. That's what I feel when I'm in my bedroom. That's why I know He's there. My prayer is that I will someday be able to feel Him like that even in the midst of this world's chaos. But what do I do while I'm waiting for that to happen? What about now??
Our world may seem like it's crashing down. But it's not like it was ever getting any better. Maybe we're just looking at it from a different perspective...We only see shadows because we are focusing on them. We only focus on shadows because we think that they are bad things. But what are shadows?? One might say they are simply proof of the sunshine.²
No matter how dark, hopeless, or terrible this world seems, we can't give up. God is there. Our brief glimpses of Him are enough to tell us that. We must learn that even when times get tough, even when sin tries to thrust its black hand over our eyes, we must push on. We must keep pursuing God. We must run towards Him with everything that we are. We must follow that burning desire within our hearts to find that something more. It's not going to be easy, but it will be worth it. I promise.
And so does God.
——————————————
¹ Switchfoot, “Vice Verses” (2011). Lyrics source: Musixmatch.
² Switchfoot, “The Shadow Proves the Sunshine” (2005).
No comments:
Post a Comment